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which REMINDS ME IF I KNEW THAT MY CELEB CRUSH HAD A GIRL THEN I WOULDNTVE HAD ALL THIS ANGER AND...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:39:12 -0400

which REMINDS ME IF I KNEW THAT MY CELEB CRUSH HAD A GIRL THEN I WOULDNTVE HAD ALL THIS ANGER AND FRUSTRATION AND WASTED TIME ON THINGS

ignorance is bliss, my ass

i really hate the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’ edwin made me hate it

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:37:01 -0400

i really hate the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’

edwin made me hate it

at the same time i think maybe my need to party and talk to people is my form of self medication i...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:31:33 -0400

at the same time i think maybe my need to party and talk to people is my form of self medication

i cant think of things if im with other people because then ill get pissy and unenjoyable so i cant think of things and have fun

i have fun but im just trying to hold myself together

i dont get how i am sometimes like at this point i feel like i need to grab people and party with...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:30:29 -0400

i dont get how i am sometimes

like at this point i feel like i need to grab people and party with them for five hours or more but i still need time to myself for a few hours but the next day i have that same need again for the party

extrointroversion

i try to remain open minded about finding someone i connect to on a deeper level but i feel really...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:28:21 -0400

i try to remain open minded about finding someone i connect to on a deeper level but i feel really lonely

a lot

and i dont know if i can find someone that can get past my boisterous attitude and off-tone jokes and get behind me like i can get behind them

i like my jokes a lot but i really dont know slash cant act any other way other than how i feel and i feel like being fun a lot and fun isnt exactly girly and shit to me

i just feel like im too much and that i wont find the guy who can handle the intellectual conversation along with the innuendos and is a guy that i find funny and can communicate with me

one of the worst parts about the whole celeb fiasco is that ive been working really hard to look...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:24:49 -0400

one of the worst parts about the whole celeb fiasco is that ive been working really hard to look nice

like shaving my legs and cleaning my face and taking my pills and eating less (i know ur not supposed to do that but whatever)

but its all p much pointless because theres not gonna be a guy that i find that i like

sometimes i doubt im doing well at all but then other times i feel confirmed i am both of us help...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:23:11 -0400

sometimes i doubt im doing well at all

but then other times i feel confirmed i am

both of us help each other out and no one superimposes on the other

i think im doing good with this one but i have to do my best my best not to ruin it

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:21:16 -0400

i think im doing good with this one but i have to do my best

my best

not to ruin it

i have a new best friend it was really weird because i wasnt ready for one already but one happened...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:20:02 -0400

i have a new best friend

it was really weird because i wasnt ready for one already but one happened anyways

and its kind of a mutual relationship so i guess thats good

ive been trying really hard to keep it mutual and not go overboard

are my standards too high are they i dont even know if its like romance shit i just want a deep...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:16:49 -0400

are my standards too high

are they

i dont even know if its like romance shit

i just want a deep connection with someone and i guess thats what romance is

and then i wonder if it’s just that i want a boyfriend buT NO NO I DONT i was looking at my...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:16:20 -0400

and then i wonder if it’s just that i want a boyfriend

buT NO NO I DONT

i was looking at my friend’s friend today and he’s kind of cute

but i still dont have the giant urges to take him out and do things for him and shit

i dont want a boyfriend i want someone to love that will be my boyfriend

the extent of hopefulness has been steadily decreasing tho over the past couple days first it was...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:10:00 -0400

the extent of hopefulness has been steadily decreasing tho over the past couple days

first it was wanting to be his gf

then friend

then i just wanted to fucking take him rollerskating and thats it

that wouldve been it

IT IT IT IT IT!!!!!

i hate this crush so much hes a fucking celebrity and ive seen him all of once for 0.5 seconds quite...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:09:10 -0400

i hate this crush so much

hes a fucking celebrity and ive seen him all of once for 0.5 seconds quite literally that long

he’s seven years older than me and has a girl and is famous and is impossible to contact REALLY

im just

angry

i just want this feeling gone i want to punch something instead of being mollified i want it gone i...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:07:39 -0400

i just want this feeling gone

i want to punch something instead of being mollified

i want it gone

my anger is just implosive but at the same time im not angry im not miserable i havent cried over...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:06:28 -0400

my anger is just implosive but at the same time im not angry

im not miserable

i havent cried over this once

i just have this giant feeling of UNWELL and uneasiness in my chest

AND I HATE IT SO MUCH

i really hate it

i want to scream and cry OR AT THE VERY LEAST FEEL LIKE I NEED TO

instead im left with this impassive but under the surface anger and negativity

yeah so with my dastardly plan ruined ive just been sitting in anger and frustration because i have...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:04:19 -0400

yeah so with my dastardly plan ruined ive just been sitting in anger and frustration because i have no other method of seeing him until about four months

YET soon today i find out he has a lady on the side that is extremely hush hush

all my plans (with the most recent being the annoying fangirl ring pop gimmick) over the past month

are ruined in shreds in ruin and i just cant handle it because ive been such an idiot obsessing and ruining myself this whole time

i mean we had fun cuz besides walking around everywhere we stopped to look at things but still

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 01:00:00 -0400

i mean we had fun cuz besides walking around everywhere we stopped to look at things but still

but as fate would have it i walk in, see his face for approximately 0.5 seconds (not joking) and run...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 00:59:56 -0400

but as fate would have it

i walk in, see his face for approximately 0.5 seconds (not joking) and run away embarrassed to the bathroom for 5-10 minutes

and when i come back it turns out his shift at the booth was done

so i walked around for four more hours in hopes of seeing him cuz the guys at the booth kind of said he was going to be in and out but he wasn’t

worse yet i dragged around my friend who was in high heels throughout this escapade

so last friday he was at an event and i was going to go meet him and ask him with a ring pop to go...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 00:58:36 -0400

so last friday he was at an event and i was going to go meet him and ask him with a ring pop to go to prom with me

i knew he would probably say no

i just wanted to introduce myself and give him a ring pop and use that as a basis

and then be the ring pop girl and ask him to do another thing at a different point in time and get turned down again and again until he says yes

im really sick of myself

HOWEVER me being me thought that i could do it i can talk to a guy who is seven years older than me...

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 00:57:24 -0400

HOWEVER me being me thought that i could do it

i can talk to a guy who is seven years older than me and does adult things while im still piddling away at my parents house underage and maybe get to know him and pray upon prayer that he gets interested in me

because you know i have this giant crush and im not used to celebrity crushes

im used to crushing on guys at my school who are my friends or who i make my friends

and then it goes away because i stop liking them after knowing them a little while