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which REMINDS ME IF I KNEW THAT MY CELEB CRUSH HAD A GIRL THEN I WOULDNTVE HAD ALL THIS ANGER AND FRUSTRATION AND WASTED TIME ON THINGS

ignorance is bliss, my ass

i really hate the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’

edwin made me hate it

at the same time i think maybe my need to party and talk to people is my form of self medication

i cant think of things if im with other people because then ill get pissy and unenjoyable so i cant think of things and have fun

i have fun but im just trying to hold myself together

i dont get how i am sometimes

like at this point i feel like i need to grab people and party with them for five hours or more but i still need time to myself for a few hours but the next day i have that same need again for the party

extrointroversion

i try to remain open minded about finding someone i connect to on a deeper level but i feel really lonely

a lot

and i dont know if i can find someone that can get past my boisterous attitude and off-tone jokes and get behind me like i can get behind them

i like my jokes a lot but i really dont know slash cant act any other way other than how i feel and i feel like being fun a lot and fun isnt exactly girly and shit to me

i just feel like im too much and that i wont find the guy who can handle the intellectual conversation along with the innuendos and is a guy that i find funny and can communicate with me

one of the worst parts about the whole celeb fiasco is that ive been working really hard to look nice

like shaving my legs and cleaning my face and taking my pills and eating less (i know ur not supposed to do that but whatever)

but its all p much pointless because theres not gonna be a guy that i find that i like

sometimes i doubt im doing well at all

but then other times i feel confirmed i am

both of us help each other out and no one superimposes on the other

i think im doing good with this one but i have to do my best

my best

not to ruin it

i have a new best friend

it was really weird because i wasnt ready for one already but one happened anyways

and its kind of a mutual relationship so i guess thats good

ive been trying really hard to keep it mutual and not go overboard

are my standards too high

are they

i dont even know if its like romance shit

i just want a deep connection with someone and i guess thats what romance is